So, three weeks ago I mentioned that Mr. Baker had finally decided to get to the bottom of his liver issues. More to the point, figure out if he had Hepatitis or not. This is something that I’ve been struggling with since DDay#2, July 31, 2012. When the subject was first broached, he completely shut down on it. He does that when he’s faced with something he truly fears.
Again, I had gotten tested for STD’s on July 31. I’d already had the appointment before he made the disclosure, because I just *knew* there was more. It just turned out that’s also when disclosure of the other women were made. My tests all came back negative, however, my test also showed that I had immunity to Hepatitis B.
He’d started to show signs of fatty liver disease last spring. They also saw “something” on a liver ultrasound that was suspicious. He was supposed to go for an MRI in August, but well, our world imploded and that didn’t happen. In September, his liver enzymes were pretty elevated. One was twice the normal range, one was three times. So, of course, I began to worry. Three of his affair partners where hispanic women who immigrated from Honduras and El Salvador. They are higher risk at contracting the disease. And you know, since my husband was the idiot for not only having affairs in the first place, but never using condoms…
When I went in for my own appointment with our gastroenterologist, I expressed my concerns and he validated them. Finally, in January, my husband said he was ready to face it. We went the first week in February. They did blood work to check for Hep B, C, autoimmune diseases, etc. He had that MRI he was supposed to have 6 months ago.
Yesterday was our follow-up. Now, if you remember in my previous post, I’d said I wouldn’t necessarily be crushed if he did have it because it was a natural consequence of his actions. I have felt that on and off. Except yesterday as we were waiting in the room, I thought to myself…no. I don’t want him to have it. I think we’ve (I’ve) suffered enough. Please don’t have it, please don’t have it.
I had worries of how were we going to treat it, how was he going to handle it if he did have it. Would he shut down again? Would he sink into depression. We’d have to contact the AP’s to tell them. Too much to think about.
Our doctor (he’s my doctor too) came in and said “Well, I have good news. All your tests came back negative.” I suddenly felt like I could breathe easier for the first time in 7 months. He showed us all the lab reports. Even his enzyme levels had returned to normal. The “something” on his liver were hemangiomas, but they had not grown in the 9 months it had been since they were first discovered on his ultrasound. He doesn’t have to have another MRI for 2 years. He will need to go back for a check-up in 6 months.
Relief flooded over me.
I can’t even begin to describe how much weight was lifted off me. I honestly didn’t realize how stressed I’d been about this, because I had been waiting for answers for so long. Instantly my mood was lightened.
I guess, with both the stress of waiting for these results…AND the stuff with my father, it was just TOO much on my plate. As a friend told me on the phone yesterday, it sounded like I was at my breaking point. And honestly…I think I was. So I really needed some good news.
Today, I’m feeling so much better in general. I actually SLEPT last night. From 9:00-6:30 this morning. My eyes are not bloodshot. I didn’t wake up more exhausted than when I went to sleep. Wow. I still have therapy today but I am heading into it much better than I was.
Related articles
- So now…we wait (repairingshatteredpieces.wordpress.com)
- Long live your liver (thehindu.com)
- Just three breaths (mindfulbalance.org)
Congratulations on the positive results. I understand all too well the fears that pass through one’s mind while waiting for test results that threaten to upset the fragile and delicate balance of a life you’re only just rebuilding. I’m happy for you that you and Mr Baker can continue on your journey towards happiness without yet another crisis. A few years back, after my own “D-Day”, I too learned I’d suddenly “lost” my immunity to Hep B (ultimately retaking the series of 3 shots). It was the first time I learned the personal gravity of my husbands actions. And I too remember waiting – for the 2nd time in my life – for what seemed an eternity for test results that would tell me if my entire world had just imploded with another health hell created by someone else. What we go through at the hands of men we love, and who claim to love us yet betray those words and us, sometimes defies description. I don’t know if you’ve ever imagined what you’d have done to him if he’d brought a serious illness home to you, but I have, and it’s not pretty. In fact I’ve warned my dear husband that should he EVER … well let’s just say, Lorena Bobbit won’t be alone in her actions. At some point enough is enough. That point is now in my rearview mirror. There are no “third chances” in my marriage. I’ve forgiven all I can forgive, and he knows this. I hope Mr Baker isn’t foolish enough to imagine your forgiveness will be endless.
This is great news!!! I’m so happy for you both!!! Blessings!
Congratulations!!!
I lurk on the blogs more than I respond or post, and your story just speaks to me. You are an incredibly brave woman to face what you are head on, and it gives me hope. I don’t even know you, and this post has made my day.
Aww, thank you so much. I appreciate it.